Almost 3 years ago, we were on vacation with some good friends of ours.  One night, my friend M and I got a little tipsy and agreed that we were both going to start trying to get pregnant once we got home.

I sobered up, entered negotiations with The Husband on the drive home the next day, he conferred with his friend J (M’s husband), and it was agreed that the “competition” would begin.

After 6 months of trying, we found out we were pregnant.  6 weeks later, our friends discovered they were pregnant.  Our boys are close in age and we’ve already decided they’ll grow up to be best friends. No, they don’t have any say in the matter.  They WILL be BFF.

I always sort of assumed we’d stay on the same timeline for having kids.  Though The Husband and I decided to start trying for Baby #2 shortly before they did, I just figured that we would once again get pregnant within a couple months of each other.

I was wrong.

5.5 months ago, they found out they were pregnant.  On their first try.  It took them 3 months to come to terms with their unplanned planned pregnancy and once they did, they finally shared their good news with us.  It was like a punch to the gut.  Not only was it so easy for them, but they were also already so far ahead of us.  M and I wouldn’t be pregnant together again.

Obviously I’m happy for them.  They are amazing friends and fantastic parents.  They make cute and wonderful babies so I am absolutely thrilled they’re pregnant.  But every time I see them I find myself choking back tears as I watch M’s belly grow and know that mine is once again empty this month.

I am happy and supportive of these friends, and I am happy and supportive of all of my friends who are going to start trying for children of their own this new year.  And I hope all of my friends know how thrilled I am for their good fortune and never hesitate to share their good news with me because they know about my own [minor] struggle.

But still, ugh.  I would like to be able to be supportive without having to simultaneously choke back tears.  To be able to be purely and joyously supportive would be a really great thing.